A New Year

I think I stopped being so hard on myself, but I most definitely did not stop taking "that bullshit." And I failed on swearing off men. I failed not once, but several times over. And in some ways, worse than the year before. Karma's a bitch I guess. But I learned new lessons. And I realized some things. That "hooking up" (Yes, I'm using the oh so vague saying that I hate because it really doesn't mean anything, precisely why I'm using it.) with someone you don't have feelings for is pretty much a waste of time. In the morning after, you end up pretty much emptier than before because despite that moment of gratification you're doomed to realize what you once again lack.

So the experimental stage of my life is officially over I think.

And I guess I'm learning to let people go, really go. Even in those moments where I miss them so much it hurts. Physically hurts. And then some people, I realize, I don't miss anymore. I don't wonder about.

Side note: I do believe it's possible to die of a broken heart.

And I don't think it's all that crazy, for we're all here seeking companionship of some sort, to belong, aren't we?

I have absolutely no resolutions for 2010, the 4th decade I will grace on this earth. I hope for nothing terminal. I hope I figure out what I'm doing here, in regards to a real job. And in matters of the heart, I hope for strength, courage and the ability to let things go, at a faster pace.