Matters of the heart

The past two years I've lived my life on this idea of oh fuck it, I'm only young once, I can have my fun just like everyone else seems to be able to. That coupled with my inability for self-control, and there were days when I feared I was becoming some sort of slut. I try not to judge others for this reason because I mean, as long as you can handle it, then why not live your life however the hell you want to? But anyway, in my case, I've learned that I cannot handle it, and at this point it's not really getting me anywhere. I can't just have fun because emotional attachments sometimes develop even if they weren't there before, or it's vice versa which makes me feel like shit as well. So this method I've chosen the past two years, clearly isn't working and it isn't healthy for my emotional capacity. So I've decided a change. No hooking up with men, random or not unless it's going to go somewhere. I've never been the girl to sit around and wait for a guy. If I like someone, I tell them, I can't help it because I always think, what do I have to lose? Nothing really, and I'm used to embarrasing myself. And I've always hated the idea of sitting around and waiting for some guy to ask you out because the only guys that ever seem to approach me are ones who I have absolutely no interest in. But anyway, my method of going after men have done nothing for me up to this point, so I'm going to try this self-control & restraint method. It's going pretty well right now, but then again, I have no interest in anyone currently.

We'll see how this goes. This sitting around waiting for a man. The idea makes me sick. But oh well.