Even if things end up a bit too heavy

For some reason modest mouse has been an anthem for the past week. I was supposed to wake up at 9am today to go to the museum since it's free on Sunday's apparently. Well now it's noon and that totally didn't happen and it never does happen but I feel good about today. I'm going to get ready for the day in a minor second after I jot this down.

So in between freakouts about school work, failing out, being too stupid for this course in life. I asked, why the hell did I come here? I still don't know what I really want to do with my life, in between searching for internships in Italy, I really wondered why i came here. A large motivating factor was it was in Italy, it was only a year, in a sense, the opportunity of a life time. And I've learned a lot, and I am interested in the topic matter, but in the realistic sense I don't know if I'm ever going to use it in the path I choose.

I’m expecting a lot out of this experience. I’m expecting to find something. I'm expecting this life to make more sense. And I’m praying for understanding in a lot of other ways.

I'm not sure if I'm going to find what I was looking for in the way that I expected. But either way, this will be worth it.

It has to be worth it.

This life will be different.