Adieu

i think about you around the clock. and what's funny is, neither of us were even sure how it all started. and it's weird cause i don't know you all that well, but for some reason it doesn't matter. and never in my life has it ever been this uncomplicated. well, except for that one fact of space and time. and im starting to get really kinda scared. you can't hurt me yet, but you could put me through some serious withdrawal. and if it continues to go at this pace, when i leave for italy, not only will i have to readjust myself, get through the homesickness, but then i have to get used to not talking with you, not hearing your voice, every single day.

it's never supposed to be this simple.

so of course, this will all get very complicated very soon.

the timing is all wrong.

the location is all wrong.

you shook my hand.

i noticed a pattern.

and like the last time, i don't know exactly where anything fell.

i have all these insecurities, and they surface when i feel like i have something on the line. and then i couldn't get why you kept talking to me. and you spoiled me with the calls. the 2 a.m. calls that i knew, i know, is proof of nothing. nothing. and you said it was, in your casual half teasing manner. in my head i knew it to mean nothing. could all still end badly. and now they've more or less ceased. and im taking it as a sign. and im kinda scared, you know?

i can comfort myself in saying, well, maybe if that were the case, it'd be better cause i'm leaving anyway.

but another part of me just wants to say fuck italy. i wouldn't mind just you.

but that would never be enough. and moments like these i wish i was leaving now. today. instead of one month from today. so i could just get away from you, let go of you, before i really fall for you and then it just gets too complicated, too difficult for me to grasp and the only thing i can see are my insecurities.